Mad as Hell....

Lawd have mercy on me. I'm pissed the eff off right now! I'm planning my cousin's surprise 40th bday. He is my favorite cousin and we were practically raised together. He's 18 months older than me and like a brother. His sister is 9months younger than me and while he and I live in NYC she's a lawyer in Buffalo(where we're originally from).

Back in August I told her I wanted to throw S a surprise party she said yeah I'm down. I ONLY included her because that was the right thing to do. Y'all she's made this entire process a disaster. I LIVE IN NYC so I AM familiar with the places. Why is she trying to dictate where to have the party. She kept telling me 40/40 club. WHAT?? Are you effin serious? The mothereffin 40/40 Club. That place is a damn tourist trap. It's overpriced and wack as shit! My cousin does not want to be at a crowded ass club. He would want more of a lounge. I'm telling her all of this and this beyatch has the nerve and audacity to ask me if I was contributing any money? WHAT?? WHAT? IT WAS MY MOTHEREFFIN IDEA TO THROW YOUR EFFIN BROTHER A SURPRISE PARTY! I'M JUST COMING UP WITH IDEAS AND NOT GOING TO CONTRIBUTE ANYTHING! I was enraged at this. She has made this process miserable and I LOVE planning parties and gatherings.

We finally come to an agreement on where to have it. I go and speak to the events planner and in the middle of negotiating two comped bottles of champagne, removing the cake cutting fee and getting another bottle for half price. Why did this chick go and email the dude and tell him to book a table for 6 people? I was so fricken pissed off that I had to race to the place to speak to the man in person. Since she did this via phone and he knew she didn't know the layout of the place he placed her stupid ass in the back corner. Meanwhile I wanted the couches in the front. In the end I got the couches but I'm still negotiating the other stuff. I have NO idea why she would book a table for 6 people when I have a list of at least 28 of his friends. Fast forward to this morning. I received an Evite from my cousin about this party. Y'all this was the worst invitation I've ever seen. It was the Poker one that had a deck of cards. WTF does that theme have to do with a SURPRISE 40th? It at least came from me and her but in the subject line she just had "Surprise 40th bday party" Surprise for WHO? She was sending this evite out to people she didn't know and the address was wrong, she had her phone number(umm why? You don't live in NYC so if someone is lost etc you can't guide them) and told people to be there at 9(it's NYC NO ONE is going to be there at 9). Here's the kicker she locked the guest list so you couldn't invite anyone. Hey dumbass I have all his coworkers emails! I text her and ask her if she could unlock so I can merge the contacts. And to have everyone be at the party at 10 and we'll bring my cousin at 10:45. Guess what? No response. Evite still locked. So, guess what I did. I created an Evite and sent it to all the people I had emails for. Yeah, it's petty but how was I going to get the information out to his coworkers and his friends that she doesn't even know. She invited five people from Buffalo and not a single person from NYC. WTF? So, I ordered custom M&M's with my cousin's Kindergarten picture and some cupcakes. I didn't ask her because I don't want it be an issue. I'm not asking her for half the money. This is on me. I can't take it. This is so damn ridiculous and it could have been so easy.

What would you guys have done?

Will I be ALONE forever?

I know I know. I gotta get better. Trust me I've thought about writing numerous times. I'm really trying to get my life in order right now. My house, car and a tiny bit of my life are a mess.

Anyway, I've been dating the African for about 4 months and unfortunately I don't think he's the one for me. He is very thoughtful, affectionate and caring but I don't think he's the one. I tried something new, a little chubby, bad teeth and a lack of interest in sports but it ain't working! While he's smart he doesn't know A LOT of shit. I have close friends that told me that maybe I'm being too hard because I read a lot from pop culture to Eastern European politics but some shit I just feel you should have a little knowledge on. But my biggest pet peeve is I think he's a tad needy. I know I'm really independent and maybe to my detriment but I feel like he NEEDS a lot. I'll give you an example. A few weeks ago my girl was throwing her boyfriend a party. In order for the party to be a success I had to go over early(as soon she left to take him out) set up, let the dj in and just be the point person. After everything was set up I ran home showered grabbed the jello shots I made and went back. My name and phone number were on the Evite so people were calling me like crazy with "I'm running late, Is he there yet,Where do I park etc?" So after the surprise went off without a hitch and people were eating and dancing. Afro-Bx was there with a few of his friends and a lot of my friends were there. Everyone was mingling etc. I was talking but I was also making sure the liquor stayed flowing and just being a hostess. A few times some men came over and said how nice of a party it was and how they knew the birthday boy. Nothing out of line. At 2:30 Afro-Bronx said he was leaving and asked me if I was coming. I was like No. I told S I'd help her clean up etc. Then I said I'll see you tomorrow. He said cool. By the time we cleaned up and got everything together it was close to 4. A few of my friends that live in Jersey came to my house and we had a few more cocktails and chit chatted. On my way to my house I tried to call Afro Bx but of course he was sleep. Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. He and I had a conversation and this dude told me he was mad by the way I acted act the party. Arruuuuu? What? He said I didn't introduce him to some of the dudes that came up to me. Umm what? I didn't know them they were coming up saying it was a nice party blah blah blah. I was like dude it wasn't date night. I was running around being a hostess. Y'all I wasn't being disrespectful. Not one time was I anywhere near him when people were coming up to me. What was I supposed to say. "Please walk to the back of the patio with me so I can introduce you to the dude I date even though I don't know you."

The kicker for me was when he told me that it was problematic that my friends came over to my house! Bitch what? Are you fucking serious? Then he gives me a scenario about if he was helping his boy out and I came to the party with my friends then left and he decided to have an impromptu gathering at his house with his friends how would I feel. I said I wouldn't feel any type of way. I left. You chilled longer with your people and so what!

I'm a firm believer of chilling with your friends and having relationships outside of the person you're seeing. Those were your friends before me they should be your friends during and after. We don't have to intertwine our friends all the time. Sometimes you just want to talk and bug out with your people!

At the end of the day I need to be with someone who let's Shell be Shell.

Y'all I think I may be alone forever! Thoughts?