Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Hammer

So, I was suppose to post last Sunday but between being sick with some virus and bizarre shyt happening to me I just had to chill. My post was going to tell everyone how it was growing up in upstate NY and only graduating with four black people I'm still going to write about that but I really have to put thought into that post.So it's coming shortly in the meantime let me entertain y'all with some straight foolishness.

I have to give a little background on this story. My coworker(Wife Beater)came out to happy hour with me and my homegirl about 6 weeks ago while there a man came up to me and said you look familiar and I was like yeah you do to. Ends up I know his cousin. This man whose name is Shane. He's around the same age as my coworker. She's 45 and he's 48. She just got divorced so she's looking for a man plus she desperately wants to have a kid. Her mom didn't have her until she was 47. So Beater and Shane talk at happy hour and exchange numbers etc. She said he was cool but she wasn't completely feelin him. I thought she was overacting a little because he offered to buy her a drink and she leans over and says to me I'm not going to sleep with him. I was like why the f*ck would you. Take the drink and keep it moving. Fast forward to the following week Shane and Beater make plans to meet up for a drink(s). Why does this fool take her to a damn club...she text me from the club like wtf. I was like a first date you take someone to a loud ass club and your 48. Needless to say she was turned the hell off. So she said she had to go and catch her bus and thanks for everything. He walks with her to the door and she goes to hug him and attempts to shove his tongue down her throat. She panics and leaves. She gets outside and calls me and says ill this dude is gross blah blah blah. He calls her a few times after that and she never answers. Fast forward a few weeks and I see him on the train he keeps staring at me but I act like I have no idea who the hell he is. Finally he puts it together how he knows me and soon as the lady next to me gets up he makes a beeline next to me to sit down. I was like damn damn damn. He said what happened to your friend. I said nothing, you should probably leave that alone it wasn't a love connection. He kept pressing me and finally I said well dude you might not want to take a first dated to a club and then shove your tongue down her throat. This beyatch said that's a lie she came onto me she was all over me the night I met you guys. Now y'all I was standing there and she was not all over him. I said whatever it ain't me. He was like here take my card I said for what he said call me. Beyatch please. I got off the train and threw his card in the garbage and he saw me do it. So I saw him at my Sunday spot, Habana Outpost a week or so later. He waived and said hi and I did the same. Well I run into him again 2 weeks ago and he comes over to me and my girls and talks. He then proceeds to say he didn't really like Beater that he was trying to get at me. I stood there and laughed in dudes face. Really so she didn't take the bait and you think I will. Singing Beyonce..You must not know about!! He then asked where I live. I figure he must live in the same vicinity since I saw him at my stop. I told him a general area and he told me exactly where he lives and damn if he doesn't live around the corner. So, he was like ohh that's great we can go to each other's houses and cook dinner and hang out. I was like dude I don't like you that. He kept saying Ohhh Shell. Hr kept saying your so pretty and I think we'd be good together. My homegirl then says didn't you try and talk to her coworker he said ohh that doesn't count. I was like I gotta go. Sorry the story is so long but I had to give this background.
Ok so last Sunday I go over to the good bodega(fresh fruit and veggies) because I need to get a green pepper. I run into Shane...ILLL! He speaks and I do the same. Then he said can I come over and bring a bottle of wine. I looked at him like he had 6 heads uhhh no. He said ok just remember "The Hammer" is around the corner. I turned around and said "the hammer?" He said yeah that's what they call me cause I pound pu$sy and I want to eat your sexy kitty and wrap your powerful legs around my back while I pound that juicy pu$sy of yours. Maaaaaaaan I went off! Dude you don't know me like that. I don't know what type of birds allow you to talk to them like that but you have me confused. If I was in a louge I would have busted my drink upside his head, but I only had a dayum green pepper!!! So,I'm going off telling him he better stay the f*cki away from me blah blah blah. So, I'm wildin out a little so these neighbor hood dudes look at me and say Ma, you alright you know this dude. I said no and he's bothering me. Ha these dudes were like yo,what you saying to her yo u betta step the eff back we run this block Nucca. Dude looked shook but I didn't and still don't give a dayum! I can't believe this dude could even fix his mouth to say something like that. That shyt was ignorant and disrespectful. I wish I would have kept his business card because I would have went and pressed harrassment charges on his ass!!!

I told the Teacher what happened and he laughed and that really pissed me off but he laughed for about 10 seconds. He was like you gotta show me dude if we're out and you see him. I was like ohhh shyt is Brownsville going to come out. He was like Shell don't play that shyt is still in me. I was like ok.

Sorry this story was so long but I had to give the background. Oh yeah one more thing then I'm finished. So Sunday night after all this shyt my throat starts hurting. Monday my throat feels like shyt and I don't feel well at all. I go to work but I'm not myself I'm not eating, snacking nothing. At the end of the day I felt nauseas I went to the bathroom and vomited so I hightailed it out of work. I got home and had the chills and was in my bed wrapped up like a little blunt. I was soo cold but my temp was 104. I was throwing up every couple of hours. It got soo bad that I was laying on the bathroom floor. Around 1am my fever broke and I felt a lot better but I didn't go to work on Tuesday. All I could think of was that beyatch Shane put a hex on me(he's Jamaican)!!!! ahahhahaha! I called my homegirl and said get the Bible! Come to find out he didn't. My other homegirl failed to tell us she had to go to the emergency room last Thursday cause of a virus and was all breathing on me and my girl Saturday(she called out of work Tuesday too..we work on the same
Anyway that's my story. I hope you enjoyed it!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Wife Beater

Uggghhhh this is for the the F$%k It List. Whyyyyyy the f&ck did beater rock a navy blue one yesterday with gray pants and today a pink one with a gray skirt!!!! I just don't understand how one thinks it's ok to rock WIFE BEATERS to an investment bank. We work on the same floor as General Counsel! A damn mess!

Anyway I have a post scheduled for Sunday. I hope everyone has a great weekend. I'm hitting happy hour(as usual) then the beach tomorrow!

Friday, July 18, 2008

Random thoughts

This week has been hectic to say the least. I hate you SEC....rule changes have made this place chaotic! I'm so happy it's Friday! I'm not even going out tonite(SHOCKER)but I'm going to handle that tomorrow!!! I have 3 rooftop parties to attend so I have to get my rest! I don't feel like thinking about anything so I'm just going to post randsome ish!

I'm walking to the train the other day and this dumb ass hanging in front of the bodega says hello. I say hello back but he didn't hear me so he proceeds to yell "so you can't say hello why cause I don't have on a suit and shyt?" Now normally I would just be like whateva hoodrat but I turned around and went clean the f*ck off! Beyatch stop hanging out in front of the bodega at 9am and maybe a respectable woman will give you the time of day. GTFOH with your bullshyt! Don't let the fly clothes fool you I WILL go the f*ck off!

Why the chick I sit next to me say "Shell what did you order from Sephora?" "Shampoo and conditioner" "What kind?" I tell her. Five minutes later this broad says "You must be rich" I was like "WTF are you talking about?" She had the nerve and audacity to tell me she looked up the shampoo and conditioner and it's expensive. I looked at her and said I like what I like. WTF did she feel like that was appropriate to check to see how much I spend on my shyt! She's lucky she didn't get cussed out! She might want to try it since her hair stays looking a hot ass mess! Plus we work in corporate America at a major investment bank does she think it's appropriate to rock "wife beaters" no jacket, sweater nothing but the beater! *crickets*

Since I'm talking about work people. I heard this other chick on the phone this morning talking to her brother I later found out. All I heard was "Are you sad, well you sound sad" "you sure you're not sad, well I know you got kicked out of the bedroom" Y'all I was at my desk rollin. At the time I had no idea who she was talking to but she must have asked dude if he was sad 10 times. So, me being my nosy self I asked a chick that sits next to her if she heard that exchange she said no but she knew exactly what I was talking about. I have no idea why I though that shyt was funny but I did...LMBAO!!

My homegirl just text me and said don't forget about brunch on Sunday and let's shoot to meet at 3:00. Whoa wait a minute 3 is she for real? That's damn near dinner time. I text back and said can we shoot for 2(which is still late since I get out of church at 11:45)but if everyone else agrees on 3 they can go ahead without me and I would get up with them next week. Shyt I can go home and make me some bacon, eggs and grits and be happy! This chick had the nerve to text me back and say why what are you doing after 3 why can't you do it etc. Beyatch it doesn't matter what the f*ck I'm doing. Try I'm going the F*ck home and chillin and I don't want to eat motherf*ckin brunch at 3 or later. Needless to say I didn't and I won't answer that text because she will NOT like my response. Last time I checked I was grown don't be questioning me!

There's a chick that hangs out with us sometime because she knows my homegirl. She's a little younger than us(26) but we try and include her in somethings. Y'all at first I liked her but she gets on my DAMN nerves...ughghghgh! She is soo damn stoopit. I try and chalk it up to her being 26 but I don't think that's it! I was not this dumb at 26. Back in April we were at the NFL draft party she was prancing around like a straight video ho! So, I'm standing there and some player comes up to me and was talking. Why is she standing behind dude mouthing Michelle why are you talking to him etc. After our conversation was over I was like wtf is wrong with you. She was like he's too short for you. (I'm 5'8" and I always wear at 3.5in heels)I was like he was just talking. If you're polite to me I won't act an ass to you...for what? Then she proceeds to talk to this dude that was so damn arogant why you ask....cause he had a nice watch on. Are you effin serious? I had to break it down to her I have dated 6 and 7 figure dudes. Just because you have serious loot does not equate to me being happy! She is a Ceritifed JACKASS! I haven't been out with her since. But the worst thing is she is going on vacation with me and my crew in August....I hope I don't end up in jail for popin the piss out of her little ass! I find out last night that this chick has been calling in to work sick so she can go to casting calls to be in rap videos? Are you serious? You want to be a video ho? That shyt is ok(I guess) at 21 but not at 26. Plus she is a banker at a major investment bank. I saw her Sunday afternoon at our hang out spot in BK and this chick looked like a street walker. A dude off the street gave her $20 and said please take a cab ma, I would hate to see you get on the train like that. The cab driver asked her if he could park his car and come up....yup nuff said!! This chick found nothing wrong with this! I'm done she is officially a bird!

I hope y'all enjoy your weekend. I'm going to try but it's going to be hot ass hell in NYC! I hate heat like that!

UPDATE--- I am going out!The foolishness that occured while typing this has pushed me over the edge!!

Monday, July 14, 2008


I haven't had a chance to read this article yet but from what I understand it's 18 pages long and talks about how Chicago shaped Obama's politics. The artist, Barry Blitt states "I think the idea that the Obamas are branded as unpatriotic [let alone as terrorists] in certain sectors is preposterous. It seemed to me that depicting the concept would show it as the fear-mongering ridiculousness that it is." I guess this touches a little close to home. I'm still up in the air about it. What about y'all?

I wonder how long it's going to take the media to discover how to cover a black presidential canidate and future president.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Follow Thru

I didn't do too much this weekend. I went to a bbq Saturday and Sunday. I spent the majority of the weekend thinking if I truly want to be with "The Teacher" He is the one person besides my mom that can set me the f*ck off! As I've stated in a previous post. He is the most caring,considerate, loving dude,however; he is the ABSOLUTE worst on follow thru.
I'm at happy hour on Thursday(if anyone every wants to go to HH in NYC Mon-Thurs go to the Fat Black Pussy Cat...topshelf $4 from 3-8)He text me and ask me what am I doing.I tell him where I'm at etc. I tell him to come down he says he probably will but he's still in class plus he was sore. He has a degenerative hip disorder which will require surgery. His doctor according to him "stretched him like a $5 whore" I said cool just let me know. He gets out of class at 9:30 so around 11ish I said where is teacher. I text him and this dude has the nerve and audacity to say I'm at Kevin's chillin drinking a Corona. *crickets* Y'all I saw stars if I was close to him I seriously would have popped the piss out of his ass! I didn't care that he didn't come and meet me. What I cared about is that he didn't have enough common courtesy to tell me. I was sooo pissed that I couldn't even talk to him until the next day. He knew I was hot too. The next day when I finally felt that I could speak to him without going the hell off. Although I immediately went off. He said he was sorry and that he understands why I was mad. I was like do you or are you just saying that to shut me up! Then the argument just escalated from there. It was kind of an one sided argument. He doesn't! I must have really pissed him off. Because he told me that if I ever talked out of my face like that too him again. He was going to let me have it! Now for the past year this dude has never raised his voice,talked out of turn or swore at me. So I know I REALLY pissed him off. Then he said damn Shell you are so combative if I was a different type of man I could pop you in your mouth! I felt bad that I got him that worked up, but dammit I just wanted him to get that he didn't have to come but inform me of the change in plan. He has a bad habit of doing that. I know I shouldn't take it personally because he does it to everyone in his family etc. But damn the only thing you got is your word if you don't follow thru on that then you don't have shit!

Everyone tells me that I shouldn't complain if that's the only thing he does wrong. Geesh he doesn't do it maliciously but it sure pisses me off! LOL! He did tell me yesterday that he really is going to work on doing better with the follow thru since he knows it bothers me. I guess that's all I can ask!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

I've been tagged!!

List seven songs that you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your spring summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to."

1. Lil'Wayne- "A Milli"

2. Bilal- "Soul Sista"

3. Ne-yo- Do you

4. C Murder f/Magic and Snoop-"Down for my Niggaz" I listen to this song each day before I enter the plantation!

5. Prince f/Miles Davis live at Paisley Park - "If I was your Girlfriend"

6. Lloyd f/Lil'Wayne -"Girls Around the World"

7. The Game f/Keyshia Cole- "The Game's Pain"

Ok. I haven't figured out how to link people!