I haven't felt like blogging let alone doing shyt. I get up go to work, go to the gym and go home. I barely talk on the phone(although I think I made up for my lack of talking on the phone last night. I was on the phone until 4am!)I'm in such a funky azz mood which is soo unlike me! I'm always the one that's upbeat, fun, life of the party. Now, I barely want to be at the party! There are a few reasons that are dragging me into this funk:
1. Not feeling my job. It pays the bills but I've gone as far as I can. I realize that people are just doing the same shyt they were doing when they first started and it's ok for them but not for the kid! I've been here a little over two years and I think I need to start planning to move on up. The main concern is I want to completely leave this field. I need to research how to go about this which leads to my second funk.
2.Going back to school. I've been wanting to go to business school for the past few years but I've yet to take the GMAT(what the f&ck am I waiting for?)this is the year that I thought I would take it and now the economy decides it wants to tank so the applications for buisness school will be up at least 60% *sigh*. I want to go full time too. Quit this beyatch and get my full time study on! I really don't have any bills. No student loans(thanks mom and dad)car is paid off. Just misc bills, gas, light, cable and shoes! The more I've been thinking. I think that I should probably take the LSAT to cover both sides and apply for a JD/MBA program. So, when I'm finished I will be a motherf*ckin force! So, you ask what is my problem why am I just sitting on my ass? If you find the answer please let me know! I have all the books. I'm just not motivated to study. But I know I want to do this! What the eff is holding me back?
3.Relationship. I firmly believe when something makes you fall it's all about the bounce back. Three years ago I was on track to get married have family etc. I moved to Houston from DC to start that chapter of my life. When that relationship was over. I swear I never felt that kind of devestation. I left with my car packed to the rim and sent boxes to my parents house and set off for the Big Apple. I had no job, just my cousin and some college friends. I came here on faith. I felt if I can make it in NY I can make it anywhere. It's been three years and it was a hard road for the first three months but I managed to get a dope azz apt in Bed-Stuy and met some pretty good friends. I've dated here and there but I've been leary until I met "The Teacher" We both have our flaws but he's genuine, kind, funny and sexy!(Having a 8 pack is ALWAYS nice to touch...lol)But we just can't get it right. It has nothing to do with cheating or any triflin thing like that! His damn family drama is DEEP! And he has the save the world mentality! I give this background because I haven't been moved by someone like this since the dude I was going to marry! A month ago The Teacher and I called it quits. He told me that my mouth was reckless(I do pop mad shyt)and he was going to bring me all my shyt. He was suppose to bring it all to me on September 28. Needless to say I'm still waiting for it! I really just want my pan back...lol! Last Tuesday he called me out of the blue. I looked at the phone like it was crazy when it was ringing! We haven't spoke verbally in a month just a few text! So to my surprise he calls me and tells me in this round about way that he was shedding the family drama cause it was causing him to lose everything and it was taking everything thing out of him. I just sat there and let him talk then he asked if I could help him do something. I was like ARRRUUUUU? Me? He said yes, you're the only person I want to help me. I said ohhh! The entire hour convo he never mentioned our break up, nothing! Then he called me the next morning at 7:33 to tell me something that happened in his family cause he said he knew I'd get it and could appreciate it. Again nothing about the break up! Friday rolls around he text me a few times then asked if I was watching the debates then proceeds to call me...heyy wait a minute now! I told him I had to call him back because I was out for dinner and drinks. About four hours pass and he calls me back and ask if I was ok and if I made it home. I told him I'd be home in 20 minutes and called him back. I talked to him from 1:43-3:30 about the state of black marriages. WTF? We talked briefly on Saturday..yet another family crisis. I know wtf? Yesterday we spoke like three times and text like 20 times. By yesterday's convo I came to the conclusion that he's trying to get back in...slowly! But he can't come back without a long talk. Man, I don't know why I have this thing for him. I can't shake his azz!I had a chance to get back with the dude I was going to marry and said nope. And I thought he was the love of my life but I think the Teacher will leave a bigger impact than him. In the past I'm known to be like peace and keep it moving but I have a soft spot for The Teacher. *sigh*
Kyle what are your thoughts as a man...lol!
Sorry for the long drawn out post.