Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Something new? Not for me

So, I see a lot of people have their panties in a bunch because of Jill Scott's article in Essence. I personally don't see what the big deal is. SHE say it stings to see a black man with a white woman. After reading the article there are points I agree with.

Here's a snippet of what Jill says, "When our people were enslaved, "Massa" placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity. We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern black roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian women and their children. That feeling is betrayed."

I get what she's saying. It's not like she or myself is saying don't date inter racially she just says it stings a bit. I get you can't help who you fall in love with. Hell, one of my closest friends who is white female just got engaged Saturday to a black man. My problem is when black men OR women say I will NOT date a black women or I will not date a black man. That's some bs. As of late there's been so many stories of why black women are single and how they need to try something new(meaning a white man). I grew up in a town that barely had 20 thousand people. It's located 50 miles south of Buffalo. I only graduated from high school with seven black people and there were only two of us that both of our parents were black. My first real high school boyfriend was white. Hell he was my prom date. All the black kids asked white girls. When I go back and see my parents 80% of the black boys have babies with white girls. Some will tell you they never even dated a black girl.:( That upbringing could really mess up a person's psyche. But my parents were awesome. They instilled confidence in me and also sent me to Bed-Stuy in the summer for two weeks to chill with my cousins! LOL! Even though my hs boyfriend was white I knew in my heart that I would end up with a black man. I went off to college and I was surrounded by all shades of chocolate. While there I dated, an Indian, Cuban,Colombian etc. I like having options! Even when I graduated college I dated a white boy. But at the end of the day I just wasn't comfortable. I want to have a mate that looks like me and REALLY understands how it feels. But that's ME!

Now 10+ years later my first choice is a black man. I've seen plenty of white men do women wrong just like I've seen plenty of black men do women wrong. But why is it that the media and some black women who have white mates think that's the way to go and that will solve the problem of successful black women not having mates. I don't knock anyone for choosing different but I do understand what Jill wrote!


Keith said...

Thank You Shelly...I understood what Jill meant too...You've had quite a
eclectic dating experience.

Alas...All I have ever dated was sisters. There was a Dominican once, but she was darker than me.

me said...

I also don't like when people date exclusively outside of their race...to me, it says something about how they feel about themselves and their race. I also don't believe a non black man is the solution to these exaggerated dating issues that everyone claims the black women is facing.

I understand what Jill is saying, I think any woman of color who says otherwise is not being completely honest.


E.M.H. said...

I get what Jill Scott is saying too and didn't think her article was offensive or fueled by anger. I think she articulated her opinion very well. People can agree to disagree but people would rather criticize and be on the defense.

chele said...

I didn't see the article so I appreciate you posting the excerpt. I don't feel any kind of way when I see inter-racial couples. To each his own, but I don't understand dating exclusively out of one's race. It seems like a bit of self-hatred to me.

Mizrepresent said...

I only dated one white man my entire life and the reason we stopped dating was bc i was seen by my AA professor out to dinner with him and he the look on his face was like i betrayed the entire race. The truth was, i really didn't know what i was doing. I was in college and pretty much just taking advantage of a situation. I find it hard to crossover, not because i can't, but because i just love Black men and that doesn't mean i hate White men, it just means i have a choice, and everytime i will choose my brother.