Decisions Decisions Decisions

I said I would write my review of Black In America on Friday and today is now Monday and no review. I will write it on Wednesday since I'm trying to blog three days a week now. Plus I feel like I have other pressing issues to deal with.

Last week I was selected to attend a Lunch and Learn that was scheduled for today. It's thrown by the Black Women's Leadership Group at my job. When you see something from them you have to immediately jump on it or it will fill up. So, I got the email and sent it in my rsvp. All in all only 20 people were selected and I'm happy I was one of them. They had two Managing Director's speak one black and one white. They happened to both be promoted to MD the same year. The topic was on Mentorship and Sponsorship but it turned to other topics. The women at the table were incredibly candid in their questions and answers. In case some of you don't know. Having a title of Managing Director is huge in the financial circle. There are very few black MD's and even fewer black women MD's. I think there's like 20 for the company I work for and I work for a big azz company.

One of the things one of the women said is "you have to create your own destiny" and that statement really resonated with me. I've been thinking about this in both my professional and personal life. My job is stagnant and I don't think I will be able to move up with the group I'm in. I keep getting paid more money but it's really satisfying for me. I thought for a minute that I keep taking the paper and do the same stagnant job but it it's not working. I am good at my job and very knowledgeable. Hell I know more shyt then people who are above me and I know more about what the other groups are doing. I could go to any job in my department and do well but that doesn't matter. They're not trying to get rid of their talent so there's no transferring. I would so like to go to the product side. Of course not many blacks are there. I think I may have to leave this company and go somewhere else to be more full filled.

Don't get me wrong. I am so blessed to have a job in this economy and being in the field I'm in. I have plenty of friends who have lost their jobs and I see my department shrinking before my eyes. I've been thinking about this for awhile and now is the time. I came into this field in a very unconventional way and it's always a great topic in interviews. I don't know why I'm a little gun shy on this. I have no kids and no debt. I have a substantial savings, parents and siblings who support my unconventional moves even though they don't always agree but they understand. I am a risk taker and always have been. I've never lacked confidence. So now is the time I HAVE TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND IN MY NEXT MOVE! I believe it will be a big one.

I guess this coincides with me and the moves I made in my personal life. The Teacher and I have been in limbo for the past year. We had a serious heart to heart on Sunday. I told him I can't continue to have a half ass relationship. . I eventually want to get married and have a kid. I can't help that you have issues about your dad and your scared you'll turn out like him. If you're not like him now what's going to change? While I appreciate him not wanting to be like a man he has issues with. I'm not trying to sit around and wait forever. It was a very deep conversation some things were said that hurt on both sides but it was needed. I finally found out how he truly feels about me and how he envisions our future together. So for now we'll see how this progresses.